One of the things about being a comedy writer that’s unusual is that occasionally, I’ll dream about comedy writing. And occasionally, I’ll wake up, and remember the joke that I have written. Today was such a day, and here is what I wrote:

A man was walking down a beach which represented his life. As he walked along, he noticed two sets of footprints behind him. Jesus appeared to him and said, “Those footprints are mine, for I am with you always.”

The man continued a way, and then looked again, and noticed that for the hardest parts of his life, there were only one set of footprints. “Lord, where were you during those times? Why was I all alone?”

The Lord turned to the man and said, “During those difficult times, son, that is when I carried you.”

The man felt ashamed and continued along the beach. A short time later, he looked again, and again saw only one set of footprints, but these footprints were unusually square and large. “Lord,” the man said, “are those again times when you carried me?”

“No,” Said Jesus, “I got tired of carrying you, so I made a sweet-ass robot to carry us both.” And with that the three of them went off to battle the Decepticons.

I should have told you before. When I write a joke in my dreams, it rarely makes sense.